Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
