Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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