They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
