Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
