Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
