Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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