Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
