Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
