You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she woke up with a sticky ear
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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