Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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