Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Terrible idea I love it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
