Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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