Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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