Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
