I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
