I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
