He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
