the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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