I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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