I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
