i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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