All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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