Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
