conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize