goodnight i made you a song goodbye
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
