I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize