smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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