How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
