Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Text me some of your sweat
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
