Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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