DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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