I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
