awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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