that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
