Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
