My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
