You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize