redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
