Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
