WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
