On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
