i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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