YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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