I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize