The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
