My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
