He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
