I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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