census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
