2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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