You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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