the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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