Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
