You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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