dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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