I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
