At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
