One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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