so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
