Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We just shotgunned beers for America
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
