i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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