One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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