Your face is a jimmy john
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She announced her abortion via fbk
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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