She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
