My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
