Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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