I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
