Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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