she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
