I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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