also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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