Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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