i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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