New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its about making memories worth repressing
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize