I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
