6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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