please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
