I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
