How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
