So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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