Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
