I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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