I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
