dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
