sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
