Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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