I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize