i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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