his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
