I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
