Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
