I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize